


Wilting and Rising

by Everyday_Im_Preaching



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Insomnia, Original Character(s), Past Relationship(s), Rain, Ryder Can't Sleep, Thunderstorms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 06:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13335720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everyday_Im_Preaching/pseuds/Everyday_Im_Preaching
Summary: this is the recipe of lifesaid my motheras she held me in her arms as i weptthink of those flowers you plantin the garden each yearthey will teach youthat people toomust wiltfallrootrisein order to bloom





	Wilting and Rising

**Author's Note:**

> This is a two-shot inspired by poems by Rupi Kaur
> 
> Hi guys! I've been on an Evfra/Ryder kick lately, so here's a little more! (Now I have to get back to my other work while waiting for time to do the next chapter D: ) Please leave a comment if you enjoyed/want to see the next chapter!
> 
> Unbeta'd.

 

_in order to fall asleep_

_i have to imagine your body_

_crooked behind mine_

_spoon ladled into spoon_

_til i can hear your breath_

_i have to recite your name_

_til you answer and_

_we have a conversation_

_only then_

_can my mind_

_drift off to sleep_

_-pretend, rupi kaur_

 

 

Ryder lived a life of constant, sleepless nights. Sometimes, it was the stress of having hundreds of thousands of lives resting solely on your shoulders. Other nights, it was the nightmares. And then, there were nights like _these._ Nights when her entire body thrummed with restlessness, reaching deep into the recesses of her mind and dragging forth memory after horrid memory that had her curling into a ball in the centre of her bed.

 _Do you need assistance sleeping, Sara?_ SAM questioned, voice calm and soothing in its own way. Ryder shook her head, pinning a pillow between her knees and focusing on the curve of the wall opposite her. _You have a busy day tomorrow._

“Yeah, I know.” Ryder murmured quietly. “Stuff to shoot, people to kill.” She closed her eyes once again, and the image of _her_ flashed quickly behind them. “I know.”

_You cannot run on nothing._

“I’m not running on nothing.” Ryder argued, turning over; the pillow between her knees slipped free, and she kicked it away. “I’ll get a couple hours in. I always do.”

SAM hummed in her mind. _A couple hours is not sufficient—if you continue to sleep this poorly, I will have to turn to Lexi for advice._

Ryder winced at the asari’s name, flipping once again in her mussed sheets. “SAM, I…I’m really not…” She trailed off, opening her eyes to stare at the back of a chair.

 _Is it Kinsley?_ Another name that had Ryder wincing and shifting, wishing for one a brief moment of silence from the AI. _It is._

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Ryder whined, grabbing the pillow nearest her and shoving it into her face. “She’s dead, SAM. Six-hundred years dead.” She curled her legs up closer to her chest. “And so is the conservation.”

SAM went quiet and the sharp bitterness that Ryder’s words had become saturated with. But Ryder’s mind jumped at the name _Kinsley,_ digging up bones that Ryder thought were better left alone.

Kinsley had been Ryder’s girlfriend back in the Milky Way. No, _girlfriend_ didn’t quite cut it. The woman had been the centre of Ryder’s universe, more like. Bright and warm like a summer’s day, hungry for knowledge and unable to settle for anything less than the truth—she had been the moon, the sun, and the sky, all wrapped in a neat little package.

But she hadn’t wanted to join the Initiative.

When Ryder had brought up the idea of it, Kinsley had outright refused to have anything to do with it; she wouldn’t even give Ryder a reason why. It didn’t matter how beautiful Ryder made the idea of travelling to the Andromeda galaxy seem, her girlfriend hadn’t budged. She still refused to have anything to do with the trip across dark space.

It soon escalated from a simple refusal to arguing. Kinsley would accuse Ryder of being selfish for still wanting to go; she’d accuse Ryder of not loving her, of not caring about her feelings—every fight wore on Ryder’s nerves until they were rubbed raw and sore.

 _Sara._ SAM clucked at her, and Ryder grunted.

“We weren’t even together when I left, SAM.” Ryder told him with a sigh. “And it’s been so _long._ I shouldn’t be bothered by it.”

Ryder rolled over onto her stomach, staring out of the window just beyond her headboard; it wasn’t the comforting vastness of space, but the top-heavy trees of Aya. The light of the moon allowed her to see the way they swayed in the nightly winds. It was almost playful, the way they were tugged this way and that.

 _Healing takes time._ SAM reminded, voice as gentle as the AI could muster.

“I’ve had six-hundred years.” Ryder snapped, pressing her mouth against the pillow in her arms, partially to muffle herself. “I think that’s enough time.”

_You spent that time in stasis. It can hardly be counted._

Ryder huffed, burying her face deeper in the pillow. “Do you have to be right _all_ the time, SAM? Come on, take one for the team. Let me wallow a little bit longer.”

SAM hummed. _That is unhealthy; however, I am not sure what the best course of action would be in order to start the healing process. Heartache seems hard to cure—I would like to ask Dr. T’Perro for advice, if I may?_

A groan escaped Ryder, and she shook her head.

“SAM, if you ask Lexi, she’ll know that it’s about me,” Ryder told him, “And then I’m going to have her breathing down my neck—I barely pass her physicals as it is. Plus, it’s kind of pathetic.”

 _Perhaps this is a situation in which you need her to intervene._ When Ryder didn’t respond, SAM continued. _However, there is an immediate solution that you haven’t considered._

“Offing myself?” Ryder grumbled, rolling back across the bed until she met the edge of it.

 _No. We are on Aya, Sara._ The AI paused, but only for effect. _Evfra is on Aya._

Ryder paused, drawing her bottom lip into her mouth. “Evfra is on Aya—but he doesn’t want company this late. Especially not my company. What we have isn’t...well it isn’t that serious. We just have sex occasionally. That’s why I sleep so well when he’s around—he exhausts me.”

 _Are you not exhausted now?_ Ryder flinched away from the question, tossing her legs over the side of the bed and letting the bottoms of her feet dust the cool tile of her bedroom floor.

“Well, yeah. But there are different types of exhausted.” Despite the words coming out of her mouth, she found herself standing and trudging over to the closet. “Sex exhausted is different than whatever kind of exhausted _this_ is.”

SAM remained silent at this, waiting while Ryder pulled on a less shabby pair of sweatpants than she was wearing and the thickest hoodie she had; she made sure to tug the oversized hood up and over her face. It wasn’t because she wanted to anonymous; it was because it had been raining _constantly_ on Aya, and she didn’t want to show up too-incredibly soaked at Evfra’s place.

“I hope he answers the door.” Ryder muttered, shoving her hands into her pockets. “SAM, do you think he’ll answer the door?”

 _I don’t see why he wouldn’t. He enjoys your company._ SAM said. _I would recommend wearing something warmer. Or might I suggest an umbrella?_

Ryder shrugged the suggestion off. “It’s not that long of a walk to his place. Plus, who’s afraid of a little water?”

 

SAM was right. Ryder should have brought an umbrella.

The rainfall was heavier than she’d expected, pouring down around her and soaking her to the bone; there wasn’t a single dry bit of her body when she arrived at Evfra’s home; she had toyed with the idea of just returning to the Tempest, but instead she squared her shoulders and knocked.

After a few seconds, the door swung open. “Ryder?” Evfra spoke her name like a question, cautious and unsure of her presence on his doorstep at such an hour. She offered him a small smile, and he opened the door further. “You’re soaking wet. Did you walk here from the Tempest?”

Ryder shrugged nonchalantly, stepping into the entryway, glad that it was tile. “I might’ve, yeah. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s far too late for your shenanigans, Ryder.” Evfra warned, though his hands were already beginning to peel her hoodie from her. It stuck to her skin closely, weighing her body down. Ryder looked at the floor, not wanting to answer his unspoken question anymore than she wanted to go back to the Tempest.

Evfra gently took her chin in his fingers, tilting her face up to look at him. “You wouldn’t be here if something wasn’t wrong. Tell me.” The human turned her eyes from him, looking at the wall to the left of them instead. “ _Ryder._ If it’s something serious, I need to know.”

“It…isn’t serious.” Ryder replied, voice small and slipping from betwixt barely parted lips.

Evfra furrowed his brow. “Then why are you here?”

Ryder dug her toe into the floor, letting out an uncertain groan that came from somewhere in the back of her throat. She suddenly felt like this was a _terrible_ idea.

“I…I couldn’t sleep.” Ryder muttered, fidgeting with her chilly hands. “And I sleep better next to you, so…I thought that I might as well…” She turned away from him, going to grab her hoodie from where he’d hung it up on the coat rack. “…I’m just going to go. Sorry.”

Evfra’s hand laid itself over hers. Ryder looked up at him, knowing _exactly_ how unsure she looked to him. She gave him another smile, attempting to shake off the awkward that permeated the air around them. The hand on her face shifted to cup her cheek.

“Go take a shower.” Evfra told her, voice gruff and hard to argue with. “A hot one—I’m sure I have some clothing of yours somewhere for you to change into.” His hands released her, and Ryder beamed at him. Relief flooded her at his words, and her shoulders relaxed from where they’d jumped up around her ears.

Evfra ran a hand through her hair, shaking some of the water from it. “ _Only_ sleeping. Nothing more.”

“Wasn’t looking for sex, chief.” Ryder assured. “Just a giant, angara-sized cuddle buddy.”

“You could have gone to Jaal for that.” Evfra grunted; there was something oddly sour about his words, and Ryder snorted. She tugged off her shirt, throwing the damp cloth at Evfra’s face.

He caught it before it hit him, dropping it to the floor. “ _Ryder._ ”

Ryder stepped forward, wrapping her arms around the grouchy angara. “Evfra, I don’t want to sleep next to Jaal. I want to sleep next to you.”

“We’re both angara shaped.” Evfra told her, wrapping an arm around her back. He was so warm; she sighed at the touch, pressing her cheek to his chest and relaxing further. “What’s the difference?”

“You’re shaped like my _favourite_ angara.” Ryder stated, eyes slipping closed. Not only was Evfra warm, but he smelled good too. He _always_ smelled good. “Thanks for letting me stay, Evfra. I appreciate it.”

Evfra snorted, tugging her closer; Ryder’s bra was dampening his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. “You are always welcome here.” He nosed her hair. “ _Always._ ” He repeated softer.

“Don’t get sappy on me big guy. Or else I’ll stay forever.” Ryder teased, leaning back to look at his face; his expression was a tad too serious for Ryder’s comfort. She rose her hands to cup his face, knuckles brushing the mantle around it. “Evfra?”

“Perhaps that was my intention—” He answered quietly, letting his arms sink down to settle heavily on her hips. “—to make you stay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Want to stay updated? Click [here](http://everyday-im-preaching.tumblr.com/) to stay in the know!


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